


Skilled with Mind, not Heart

by Katrina



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/F, F/M, He rather wishes it didn't, He would like things to be different, Kisuke has accepted his life, M/M, No beta we die like mne, The heart does what it wants, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25209892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katrina/pseuds/Katrina
Summary: Urahara Kisuke was really good at falling in love. Or very bad. He wasn’t actually sure which it was.Maybe it was a mix of both.
Relationships: Hirako Shinji/Kurosaki Ichigo, Hirako Shinji/Urahara Kisuke, Kurosaki Ichigo/Urahara Kisuke, Shihouin Yoruichi/Sui-Feng | Soifon, Shihouin Yoruichi/Urahara Kisuke
Comments: 26
Kudos: 177





	Skilled with Mind, not Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a dream. I have no regrets. Please point out any errors you see. Look, a fic that isn't part of a bingo!
> 
> Have not decided if this will have a second chapter, or if I'm going to leave it here. Leave your opinions. 
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://ramblingkat.tumblr.com/)

Urahara Kisuke was really good at falling in love. Or very bad. He wasn’t actually sure which it was. 

Maybe it was a mix of both. 

Kisuke had only fallen in love three times in his life. Each time with someone who was extraordinary. At least to him. Each time, the person was perfect

Oh, they were still human. They made mistakes. But he could understand those mistakes, could see why they happened. Their flaws made them more beautiful to him. They made that thrum of dedication and love beat even stronger in his chest. 

Each person he fell in love with was perfect in their own way.

And not one of them loved him back. 

The first was Yoruichi. When they first met, children who stumbled across each other in a training yard. He had been picked up by the Omnitsukido just a few weeks before, a flicker of reiatsu giving him away to a recruiter when they were traveling through his district. A new trainee, he was practicing the lessons he shouldn’t have been touching for months to come. She was hiding from whatever noble trainer they had found to teach her. 

Kisuke showed her how to hide herself better than said trainer could, and it took the entire day for her to get bored enough to drop it to have dinner. 

After that, she had started tracking him down, leading to interactions that eventually became a friendship. There was another noble, a lesser one, named Tessai who had been brought in for Yoruichi to have a proper friend, but she saw no reason to get rid of the one she had made all on her own. 

Tessai and Kisuke had become friends fast enough, tossing out kido ideas and the spells themselves at a rate that left most others behind. Someone who kept up with him in something like this was a precious thing to Kisuke, and he would have done anything to protect his friend. 

Yoruichi was on a different level. She was...amazing. 

Tessai was quiet, sedate. He was the calming influence for the other two, settling them when they grew too wild. 

Yoruichi inspired Kisuke to be wild. To reach out and test what boundaries were placed on him, on the world around them. She encouraged him to do what interested him, helping him where she could, setting things up where she couldn’t personally do more. 

When she laughed with him after some explosion, eyes bright, Kisuke realized he would do more than kill for her. He’d live for her. 

For someone like him, that was a much more daunting prospect. 

His new devotion had not gone unnoticed. Soon after, he was pulled to the side of the one the family elders. She had been delicate about it, as he had become something of a pet for the entire family. That did not stop her from pointing out some important things. 

They would not stop Yoruichi from indulging in her infatuation, her pleasures. It was not what the Shihoin did. Like the Shiba, they saw no reason to be too stifling. As her current infatuation, there were rules that Kisuke needed to follow as best he could. 

He was never to be overly affectionate in public. He was never to imply that they were more than close friends. He was never to leave a mark on her that could not be explained as a spar. 

That last stung the most. It was the hardest for him. 

It wasn’t the first time they had shared a bed. They had both shared a bed with each other in play before. They had also both gone to their own paths. 

Kisuke had done his own training for the pleasures of the bedroom. Like everything else he wanted to learn, he put in serious dedication to finding out the best way to do everything. There were some titters about that, but he ignored them. Learning from experts was always good, and he saw no reason not to benefit from their experience. 

No reason not to share that with Yoruichi. 

She appreciated it. At least until he set his teeth against her shoulder. He enjoyed it when she left her marks on him, when other people had left marks on him. Since he enjoyed it so much, and she enjoyed leaving scratches and bites on his pale skin, Kisuke thought she might enjoy it herself. 

So he tried, just wanting to leave a light mark along her shoulder. Where it would be covered by her clothing. 

She flung him out of her bed with a startled yelp from both of them. He rolled with it, but Kisuke came up with a blade, looking for the attack, only to realize there wasn’t one. She was scowling at him. 

“You can’t do that,” the woman hissed, and Kisuke had blinked. 

“Oh,” he said, wincing a bit at how stupid he sounded. “My apologies. I….” He shook his head. 

Yoruichi rolled her eyes, and waved him off. “Well, that ruined the mood. Don’t forget we got a meeting in the morning.”

He nodded and left. Was flustered by that, but he knew the rules and ignored them. That never went well, and the next more his friend was happy as ever. Life went on, and Kisuke never tried to leave a mark on her again, no matter how rough she turned their play. It was simply another rule in their play in bed. No marks on her, and he always had to leave her bed when they were done. No lingering, and definitely never sleeping there.

It didn’t matter. He loved her more than he could even describe. He never asked if she loved him, as that was another rule. She could say what she wanted, but he was never to ask her how she felt about him. That was much too bold a move for someone like him. A Rukongai foundling could never demand answers from one of the great noble families of the Seireitei. 

He showed his love the only way he knew how. He gifted her food and trinkets. He created new things for her to use as she wanted. When she wanted something that he could do, he did it and gave it to her quietly, without fanfare. 

She cared for him. Kisuke knew that. And he was hoping that maybe she cared as much for him as he did for her. 

Then Soi-Fon appeared in their lives. 

She was as devoted to Yoruichi as Kisuke could ever hope. She loved their captain as much as Kisuke did.

That’s when he learned that while Yoruichi loved him, she didn’t -love- him. He saw how she treated Soi-Fon. There was teasing, because Yoruichi was a cat on so many levels. 

But there were quiet moments between the two of them. The way, when they were out of the public eye, Yoruichi touched Soi-Fon. There was a delicate care to her touch, a level of affection in her every action that he had never seen his way.

Soi-Fon disliked him, Kisuke knew that. She was always trying to discredit him, pushing him away from Yoruichi. If Yoruichi had loved him like he loved her, that would have not worked.

Then she told him she had recommended him for a captain position. 

He had smiled for her and done his best. 

Because while she may not have loved him like that, he still loved her. So he left her behind and went off to the Twelfth alone. 

That led to him properly meeting the second person he fell in love with. 

He didn’t expect it. For all that Kisuke knew, love was something that only happened once. He did his best to adapt to his new squad. While he made the choice to move fully away from the Second and focus on the Twelfth, his new squad was not so welcoming. When he smiled at them, at least one person always winced. 

It was such a different culture from everything he knew from before. He wanted this to work. Yoruichi wanted him to do well, but she had vanished since he had transferred. 

Kisuke would have loved to ask for some advice. 

Not that he was sure she would have been able to help him too much. She was a noble princess, born to lead her house and her squad. 

He never expected to survive long enough to do anything of the sort. 

So Kisuke found himself adrift for the first time. 

Then Hirako Shinji stopped by and offered up some words of advice. 

He didn’t need to. Kisuke felt like all the other captains were entertaining themselves to see how long it would take before he broke. Which wouldn’t have happened, but he would have embarrassed himself and Yoruichi before he had managed to get his feet under him. 

Then Shinji had stopped by, offering advice and a grin that made something in his stomach flutter warmly. He was another captain from the Rukongai, a person who had done his best to avoid captaincy for ages before finally being pushed into it by the Soutaicho. 

When he had fallen for Yoruichi, Kisuke thought she had been a once in a lifetime thing. Then Shinji had come to him to offer a bit of friendly advice, sarcasm, and effortlessly found someone trying to hide on Kisuke’s territory. That same bolt of emotion, that deep feelings of affection and a willingness to do anything for him. 

It was a starling sensation, and he had been skittish and uncertain about how to react to that. 

Kisuke was so confused about it. Yoruichi alternated laughing at him and ignoring it. Though she was busy with Soi-Fon. Which made something in him burn the first time he saw what could only be the remnants of a bite on dark skin, just peeking out from under the fabric that covered Yoruichi’s thigh. 

Shinji found him getting more than a little intoxicated. He hadn’t questioned, just joined in. 

That was the first time Urahara got to put marks on someone he cared about. There was a thrill there, even if he wasn’t sure how it happened. How they went from drinking to rutting up against a wall, he couldn’t quite remember. But what he did remember was that the next day, he could see the dark mark on Shinji’s skin. 

He listened as Shinji laughed at the teasing he got, but never mentioned who had left the marks. 

This time, at least, he knew where he stood with Shinji. The man preferred women. As far as Kisuke could tell, he was the only male Shinji slept with. Though he could be wrong. If he wasn’t part of it, he never would have known they were sleeping together. 

For Shinji, they were simply a pair of friends who fucked occasionally. He seemed confused by the gifts left for him, but never enough to track back where they came from. 

Kisuke was rarely invited back to Shinji’s rooms. Shinji rarely came to the Twelfth. When they had sex, it was usually in some random, if secluded, place. Usually with alcohol involved. At least the being kicked out of bed was familiar.

It didn’t mean anything to Shinji. Kisuke could accept that. Sex and Kisuke’s love hadn’t meant much to Yoruichi either. 

Or so he thought. 

Then Aizen happened, and Yoruichi chose Kisuke over Soi-Fon. 

If Shinji hadn’t been so hurt by the situation, Kisuke could have appreciated it more. 

Then they found a new home, in exile, and Yoruichi vanished on a regular basis. He knew she was heading to see her friends in Soul Society. Kisuke threw himself into trying to reverse the hollowfication of the others. 

He failed, and he would have understood if they never wanted anything to do with him again. 

Still, he did what he could. He created the vaccine so that they wouldn’t suffer from soul suicide, bringing them into balance. He ran tests on himself, temporary things so he could have a better idea what they were going through. 

Those periods of mindless aggression when he was in a more hollow mindset terrified Kisuke. But he needed to know what he was working with. The biggest issue was that they left him with some mild hallucinations and short term memory loss. That lasted too long, making him a little twitchy. But it was worth it when he helped the others get a handle on their new powers. It was still unsettling when he couldn’t tell if a memory was real or something a Hogyoku induced hallucination. 

The first time Shinji found him and pinned him down, fucking him on the floor of the building that would become his shop was one of those moments. He wasn’t sure if it really happened.

The long red welts left along his sides and thighs told him it had. No teeth marks, but they already talked about the fact that it was possible the hollowfied shinigami might still be contagious if skin was broken. Kisuke was positive it only counted if they had their mask on, but it was obvious Shinji wasn’t taking risks. 

Other than the fact they were now in exile, and Shinji came to his bed more often than Kisuke was invited to Shinji’s, things stayed the same. It didn’t happen often, but when Shinji couldn’t find someone else to spend the night with, or he simply didn’t want to be alone but not with the others, he’d find Kisuke. 

In a way, they got to be better friends. Shinji became the de facto leader for the newly named Visored, so he was the one who regularly came to talk to Kisuke. While the others sometimes visited as well, they tended to keep to themselves. 

Sometimes, it was because they saw Kisuke and saw everything they lost. He couldn’t blame them for that. He was still a pure shinigami. Exiled, yes, but he didn’t carry a hollow in his soul. Sometimes it was just because they had a hard time understanding the humans of the living world. 

Either way, Kisuke did what he always did. He created gifts for Shinji, leaving them for the man to find. Doing whatever he could help move Shinji’s goals forward, even the ones that he wasn’t as dedicated to as taking down Aizen.

The arrangement that Kisuke and Shinji had lasted until Shinji returned to Soul Society. It hurt, being left behind always hurt. While Urahara was nominally allowed back, it had only taken one quiet conversation to make sure he understood. That while he was no longer exiled, he was encouraged to stay in the Living World. 

Shinji had questioned him once over it. He had not gotten any answers, and Kisuke was happy that the older man was able to go home. 

Besides, he already knew that Shinji had his eye caught by someone else. 

Unlike Yoruichi and Soi-Fon, however, Kisuke understood this one fully. 

Ichigo Kurosaki was someone well worth watching. 

This time, he didn’t fall hard and fast. When Kisuke fell in love with Ichigo, it was a slower process. That did not make it as mind consuming as the love he held for Yoruichi still, for Shinji. He had lost both of them. Now that she was allowed back, his friend had quickly taken back up with her love. And who knew what Shinji was doing. Probably working his way through the ladies of Soul Society again. 

He just sent gifts when someone passed through and continued on with life. 

The day he realized he loved Ichigo was when he found himself sitting awake for the third day in a row, Benihime weaving together this blade pulled from his own soul and power, ready to soak up the power of others and channel it into a damaged soul. 

He sat there, Benihime pulling another strand of his soul and weaving it into the blade. He loved Ichigo. The only other people he would have done something like this was Yoruichi. He had already done something similar for Shinji. The vaccine needed pure shinigami power, after all. 

Now he had Ichigo, someone else he was spinning his soul out for. 

It was a shock, as this one had been quieter. A slow build instead of a sudden strike of passion. 

Kisuke wondered if that meant things would be different. 

Once they got Ichigo’s powers back, and he finished dealing with the fallout of that, the teenager had come to him. Hope curled in Kisuke’s heart when, after a minimum of beating around the idea, Ichigo had kissed him. 

Things had progressed quickly, likely faster than he should have let it go. Kisuke didn’t have it in him to deny Ichigo’s desperate, needy noises. Not when Ichigo clung to him, legs around Kisuke’s hips as they ended up tangled together on Kisuke’s bed. While Ichigo left bruises, he didn’t use nails or teeth like Shinji or Yoruichi enjoyed. And the way he stiffened when Kisuke tested with a sharp nip said he didn’t like the idea of marks either.

That was okay. There were a lot of other things they could do. Kisuke was happy to show Ichigo. 

It was good. Kisuke made sure Ichigo enjoyed himself, and he was pleased as they laid there together, enjoying the quiet. 

Then Ichigo slipped out of his bed and the shoten completely silent.

Ah. 

He really was horrible at this. 

One couldn’t help their own heart. He should have expected it, though. He had not missed how Shinj had spoken about Ichigo before. Or the way Ichigo interacted with the older shinigami when he had peeked in to see how the training was going. 

Ichigo came over on a regular basis. Never when the others were there. Never where anyone could guess what was going on. 

Kisuke was used to that. He did as he always did. When Ichigo wanted training, Kisuke was happy to train him. When Ichigo wanted sex, Kisuke was happy to help with that as well. He made small gifts, which he saw shared out with Ichigo’s friends. 

That actually hurt, but he could accept it. He had no right to say what Ichigo did with the tokens of Urahara’s affections. 

He smiled for Ichigo, happy to be part of the other’s life. He had lost Shinji, who never came to visit. Yoruichi did pop in, but she was as free spirited as always. They had their lives. They were happy. Kisuke could be happy with that. He sent his gifts and hoped the presents made them smile. 

He even smiled when Ichigo had gone to visit Shinji and the others, carrying gifts from Kisuke to them. 

When he came back, Kisuke felt his smile freeze a bit before he recovered. Ichigo was bouncy, smiling, and walking just a bit tenderly. Well, he had been enjoying himself. That was fine, Kisuke had never put any demands on the people he loved, simply because he knew it would never make any difference in their behavior. He cared for them far more than they cared for him. 

It was the bite that Ichigo carried. It was seeing Yoruichi with Soi-Fon’s mark all over again. And that was a pretty distinct bite. Kisuke had carried them for years. 

But he was a man of many masks, and Ichigo never noticed how rattled the other was. He happily chatted about everything he had seen in Soul Society, with Kisuke happy to listen to it.

Ichigo was happy. Given what he knew about Shinji, the other was probably happy as well.

That was enough. 

When Ichigo left, Kisuke needed a break. He blindly reached into a small cabinet, where he kept his personal drinks. He didn’t get into his alcohol stash often, but he needed it today. 

Taking the bottle and a glass, he went to his roof. It was a nice night out. He couldn’t see the stars, but he could listen to the living world as he worked his way through what turned out to be a very expensive bottle of whisky. Not his preferred drink, but it would work. Even if he could already hear Shinji complaining about his actions against good alcohol. 

The people he loved were happy. So he could be happy for them. But Kisuke would allow him a bit of time to wish they would be happy with him.

He was surprised when, most of the bottle later, Ichigo landed on the roof next to him. The teen was agitated about something. Kisuke was willing to stay seated on the roof, the bottle now tucked against his hip, half full glass in his hand. 

Watching Ichigo from the corner of his eye, he waited. Was feeling too tipsy to play ditzy shopkeeper, and Ichigo was too distracted by something to really pay that much attention. But it was obviously something important. 

“Urahara-san,” the teen finally said. “How do you...start a relationship with someone?”

Kisuke wanted to laugh. Or cry. Maybe both. Still Urahara-san, even when invited to use his first name. Why would he have expected anything different. He would send the teen to Shinji, but it was probably Shinji he wanted to start the relationship with.

“Ah, Kurosaki-san, I think you might want to ask someone else. I’ve never loved someone who loved me back. I have no idea.”

He sipped at his drink, ignoring the horrified look he could see on Ichigo’s face. Had no idea why the other looked so unhappy. 

It was simply how things were.


End file.
